I was fortunate enough to find blood kin I didn’t know survived when I answered the phone this week. There’s a certain thrill to learning other people walk the earth sharing a large portion of one’s DNA. Important to me was hearing an accent gone for most of my lifetime and learning medical history I may need to know in the coming years. Best of all were shared memories of a life and places now gone forever.
While our memories remain, those people and places live on after their passing. For a few brief shining moments, my mother was once again a bratty urchin getting her niece into trouble after school, rather than a name on a grave in a cemetery.
But is shared genetic code and memories of shared people and places all that constitutes family?
My generation was the first shaped by modern contraception. I am an only child, daughter of an only son, surrounded by only children or children from smaller families. While my mother’s siblings numbered in the teens, suddenly – for the first time in history – an entire generation consists of small families with few siblings.
Besides my genetic kin, what does my family consist of?
Family is the friends who drive hundreds of miles, children and protesting spouses in tow, to stand at your side at your parents’ funerals. Family is the friends who spend months of their lives helping clear and dispose of the aftermath of a disaster. Family is the neighbor who takes a day off from a desperately needed job to drive you to the hospital and be there when the anesthesia wears off. Family is the woman who drops everything to edit a book in one long marathon when an agent asks for the whole thing unexpectedly. Family is the man who spends his vacation days loading an aging car onto a trailer to help drive on a cross country move and folds a terrified cat into his jacket to make sure she’s carried safely into the motel rooms. Family is the friend who challenges you to leave your comfort levels and stretch that extra distance to be better. Family is the people who still speak to you after knowing you for a quarter of your life or more.
It’s exciting to find blood kin I didn’t know I had. But looking at the people in my life, sometimes I’m amazed at what a large family I’ve managed to acquire.
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2 comments:
I live in South OZ and all my genetic family live in England, all but my folks that is. When said relatives come visiting it never ceases to amaze me how the decades of not seeing each other just disappear to laugh and fight just like we'd never been apart.
Rob..
Quote "It’s exciting to find blood kin I didn’t know I had." Unquote
Wish I could say the same.
I grew up with a step father, lots of half brothers and a half sister. I knew I had a full brother who went with my Dad when parents divorced but never met or knew him. A few years ago I got a call from Mum saying my Sister had been in touch. Of course my sister had been in touch Mum, she lives with you !!! Not her...Your REAL sister...Oh I see Mum the one I grew up with was fake eh ? Hmmmmm
Anyhow turns out I had a full blood sister, visited her, hated her, won`t talk to her. She`s a full blown nutter....Yes family trait I hear you say and you`re probably right ! Also spoke for the first time to my full brother in OZ...That lasted 3 conversations...I don`t know the bloke and he don`t like footie( soccer for the yanks looking). He`s too bloomin old to talk about women to so...That was that.
Mum died and I spoke to my real Father for the first time ever, on the phone to Switzerland where he lives.....Do these RELATIVES really have to go that far to escape me ?...Anyhow the convo lasted 2 minutes, I just wanted to tell him Mum died anything else would have been abusive. Desertion to me is cowardice and he did desert both Mum & me...a few others too judging by what my real bruv said.
Blood means nothing I`m afraid, family are people you grow with. People you share fond memories with, whether it be catapulting a cow over the battlements,....No I`m not going to explain that ask GP :-p, or many other things.
I have as much family online as I do off, people who know me. Who share my life, who allow me to share theirs. Some, who like siblings, I`ll argue with till I hate them, then two days later moan when they`re not around to chat with.
Family, friends, aquaintences, work colleagues there really aren`t enough catagories and if there were, would I really be able to put all these people in those boxes ?
I suppose it`s the same for love. Do you really love the next person in the same way you loved the last ? It`s still love but it`s.....kinda different.
Sex too I guess...though my memory on that one is a little hazy .....;-)
( Though they do say I have the memory capacity of a goldfish, who exactly said that I can`t remember)!
Time to stop stealing GP`s blog...Oooops sorry Geepers
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