I Blew Up My Blender

I blew up my blender. Not intentionally. Not really. Although it had annoyed me for years. During one of my many moves, something heavy was placed on top of it and the pitcher portion warped. Not just a little bit. No, it went from being square to trapezoid. But that’s not exactly the cause of the explosion. It just explains why I’m not mourning a blender that was half as old as I am.

No, I actually pulled the thing out and decided to use it. In spite of the warped pitcher. In spite of the fact it didn’t really stay secured. I had the impulse to experiment. You need to be aware of those impulses for future reference and your own personal safety. There’s a reason I didn’t end up actually getting a degree in chemistry. But I digress.

I chopped up my last ripe pear, added two small apples, a decent sized chunk of ginger and the juice of a lime. I have no idea how it would have tasted, but the mess smelled divine. I put the lid on and pushed the button marked “chop.” Lots of sound from the motor, but nothing did more than twitch in the pitcher. I tried adding a little water. Nothing. I tried a different setting. More noise, the bottom chunk of pear turned to mush, but nothing else even moved. I turned it off, shook the thing and watched the fruit fly around the inside. Nothing jammed there.

I put it back down and tried yet another setting. The motor made noises that were not pleasant. The fruit sat there, smelling divine and mocking me. That’s when I got my brilliant idea. Did I mention you really need to know about my tendency to experiment?

I went to the jar where I keep my kitchen utensils and selected a wooden spoon. Easing up the top of the blender, I tapped the top chunk of apple. Nothing. I poked between the fruit. A little movement and angry sounds from the elderly motor. So I gave the fruit a shove. That’s when the blender blew.

When the wreckage cleared, half the spoon was missing and the rest had gone skyward. I’ve seen mortars with less firepower. I was wearing the mixture I’d hoped to eat. Did I mention it smelled really good? There was lime, pear, ginger, and apple on the top counters over the sink, on the floor, on the wall, but mostly on me. It was the chunk of spoon finally killed that dratted blender. Permanently. It split the warped pitcher, which was already a strange shape to begin with.

So I tossed the whole thing in the garbage and ended up chopping fresh fruit into fresh yoghurt. And that’s why I don’t have a blender any more. I discovered I do a better job chopping with my big knife than the blender ever did. Now I smell really good – I think it’s the ginger. But the cat is still debating whether she wants to go back in the kitchen.